Category: Personal


Pneumatological Enigmas

Pneumatological Enigmas (click to hear the poem read)

Spirit-Sophia thunders into me
shatters my specious separations
fallacious wavering hesitancies
with surrender secures
never violating
breaking my heart wide open
amor procedens vivifying

renewing empowering grace
initiates novelty
breath of life
multitudinous interchangeable
kymographic nodes
puzzle internal sacerdotal scarabs
in a chary zenith
viewed from subsuming positions
into gestalt being

self-referential prosody
breeds halophytic
warranting dirges
of the laciniate self
behold the vast mysteries
elegiac verandas groan
elliptical protasis tumbles
tensive veracity guarding
explicitly bellicose religions
floating away in the saline

self forming requiem masses
grim obscurantist phrases
offer vivace caresses
baronial cobalt gems
defame the evolute kerfs
terminating in elegant periods inglorious
obligatorily wedged sideways

she is unknowable unseen
I am unknowable unseen

philia of artist poet composer mother
imago dei spiritus creator
beneficent power indwelling
breathing blowing wind of being continues
under pneumatological ramifications
trailing labile nilpotent agnosticism
willful xenophobic fatigue
curvatures inundated by magniloquent manners
choirs crying glorias unending

Longing unshackled
from romantic notions
desire released from ambition
exigent memories of Grace and Muse
awakening experience
sweet liberation cherishing the immersion
into lost moments of eternity

Spirit-Sophia whispers
follows my impatient steps
desire of intimacy encompassing presence
immensity reaping meritocratic enigmas
overflowing sensate resistances
in a deep awareness of otherness

Note: Spirit-Sophia is the name given to the Holy Spirit in Elizabeth A. Johnson’s awe inspiring book SHE WHO IS: The Mystery of God in Feminist Theological Discourse © 1992.

Sophia Celeste

Please note: This poem is not about abortion or adoption but the decision not to have children for ethical reasons.

Click here to listen to Sophia Celeste read

Awakening
Oil on Pigment Print 2004
Anna Montgomery


A supreme act of love,
to spare her this world
not creating her
immersing her
in the vessel of embodiment
to set foot to damp earth
breathe electric air

Traversing from emergence
to denouement of swan’s song

A kindness, a blessed mercy
leaving my Sophia Celeste,
heavenly wisdom,
a disembodied cherub

My darling girl
I couldn’t expose you
all the destruction
abuses, famines and disasters
both personal and impersonal

Unleash you consuming
onto a ravaged world
clamoring among billions
to delineate your lot
suckling a weary breast
I knew the sacrifice
willingly paid to ethics

So often I miss you
yearning for the demulcent
tuft of your hair
gentle slope of your nose
cradled in the curve of my neck

It is a physical wrenching
a phantom birthing pain
this separation from you, my beloved

My baby love, sweet angel
whose effervescent wisp
the merest hint of whom
invokes requiem verses
laments of agony resounding
in a refrain of abandonment

I left you in the gilded cage of imagination
never to awaken

Factory refiners turn their attention
acid testing the gold
How pure; how valuable?
Most malleable and ductile of the metals
a procession of children moves along
to be processed by workers that search
for the few; the gifted and talented
prices go up with scarcity

Ill defined – a broad spectrum
99th percentile of IQ,
require tests with higher ceilings
crafting the bell curve,
a golden ratio

Mix potential with achievement
now the battery of tests changes
these will act like keys
to the socio-economic hierarchy
society as quality control beating down
the girls and minorities
so they won’t make it through,
the golden rule

The students are molded into bars
‘Gold Standard’ and branded with a seal
complete with certificates,
inert, reliable, exchangeable, interchangeable, and secure
the brightest from the system are displayed
baubles for the world to ogle and exploit

If the children are bored
teach them inquartation and parting
so they may become refiners and certifiers
if they are emotionally unequipped
take them to the markets
so they may be deified and learn how being
valuable and useful is more important than love
if they are damaged simply polish them up
if they are contaminated remove them from the floor
along with all the other pyrite

Teach them to internalize
a version of the fascist state
an over active ego driven by reason,
the golden mean

Prevent self-actualization, the embrace of specificity
keep away liberation, multiplicity, or human expression
(the factory demands quality controlled assurances)

Indoctrination is a process of reducing raw ore
to its purer, more precious form

Mutable Barrier

She felt intimate remembrances sleeping, murmurs

I wind the licorice rope
tightly around the candied button
at the entrance to the sugar castle

I must bind taut the defenses

Babel Tower dystopia
Baba Yaga’s home
insidious seeping dread

fleeting sense of the stillness of hidden spaces

A child, dead,
tethered to a post
startles from the courtyard
I fear his ghost
push him down the well

He must not be seen

exploring the home, foreign but intimately known

reuniting with the other boy
reviving pliant keys
they open my eyes
to the greater danger

the lurking wraith
eager to devour
to destroy the girl beside me

She must be secured from within

searching for those abandoned spaces, promises of protection and gnosis

warning’s radioactive signal
bluebeard burning in my head

her secret place, her secret self

the boys twirl their knives
act threatening
small curved blades

the heroic brothers
come to save their sister
from truth?

flooding her awareness, revelation of fear

They must forget their place

retrograde amnesia fails to save me
I remember why I don’ t want to know

the wraith, diaphanous

I must refrain from seeing

paradox to remember what I forgot
denying what was there
in the purlieu of the psyche
distorting memories loom
delicate and pernicious confections

the reason for all this cryptic architecture

spirit unfurling truths unleashing
here before me with his knife stabbing

I will drown in the well

mouthing outcry no sound forms
voice stolen by the echo

she’s gone on ahead without me

Bas Jan Ader ‘I’m too sad to tell you’

Brutality Between the Lines (<—click to hear the poem read)

“I don’t really like human nature unless…”

requiem for the unsung
Phillip Glass scores
obsessive tracks
drama at river Ouse
mourning, death grimace
cataleptic rigidity
art forms suicide note

Bas Jan Aders
missives of pain
I’m too sad to tell you
broadcast without expatiation
Rothko’s emanating spirituality silences

she fills her overcoat pockets with stones
sexual abuse knocks mental illness
click and add the weight
there are more
you won’t drown with less
art as consoler
doesn’t transform the pain
allures with vows of immortality

Pol Pot slaughtered millions
driving toward the tabula rasa
an entire society stripped
cinematic epic can’t revive
or ferry spirits home
from killing fields
burnishing aesthetic pall

this poem is a postcard
sugared and heating on the stove
thermometer ready
poisonous confection
Helen Chadwick’s golden locks
entwined with sow’s intestine

“You see, I can’t even write this properly.”

Ars memorativa; parlor tricks
trauma plays on the mind
positive bias memory distortion
works its illusions on all:
holocaust survivor
recovering addict
aspiring artist

schema of selective processing
regulates the current state
cooing emotional well-being
smoothes the heinous crimes

stories we tell evolve
voyeuristic titillations for consuming masses
molding the world into utopias of art
ignorant of the price

products worth infinitely more
than the life that birthed them
aftershock of naïveté

Adeline Virginia Stephen had a name before she was
“…all candied over with art.”

Notes: “I don’t really like human nature unless all candied over with art.” Virginia Woolf. “You see, I can’t even write this properly.” is from her suicide note. She drowned in the Ouse River. Bas Jan Aders was lost at sea while performing “In Search of the Miraculous”. His body was never found. Mark Rothko overdosed on antidepressants and slit his wrists. His estate was contested in a 10 year court battle know as the Rothko Case. Helen Chadwick died from a viral infection contracted at the hospital while shooting ‘Unnatural Selection’, a series on IVF embryos rejected for implantation. Killing Fields won 3 Oscars (nominated for 7), 8 BAFTAs (nominated for 13) and grossed $34,609,720 US. Haing Somnang Ngor, who won both the Oscar and BAFTA for his performance, survived the Khmer Rouge only to be murdered in Los Angeles. After the release of The Killing Fields, Ngor had told a New York Times reporter, “If I die from now on, OK! This film will go on for a hundred years.”

Crossing Thresholds

Ibn Tulun Mosque in Cairo photo credit: Anna Montgomery

This is the beginning of the poem I’m currently working on – it may be an epic or a series. I’ll make a new post when it’s complete (with definitions). If you read the beginning of this before you can scroll down to two stanzas above Old Cairo and pick up where you left off.

Crossing Thresholds

By the Citadel

The four centered arch,
pishtaq of the Mosque-Madrassa
of Sultan Hassan
draws me into the broad sehan
a foreigner and trespasser
though invited,
or more appropriately,
a paying guest –
(that only moves under armed guard)
an American woman in Cairo

One hundred degrees
stone radiates from
below my shoeless feet
a heat wave in the winter
that word looses all my associations
it isn’t redefined but obliterated
at home we get eleven feet of snow

Sultan Hassan’s body was never found
he was assassinated by Yalbugha al-‘Umari
the commander in chief of the army
a tale of power and betrayal
the mausoleum serves no purpose

Two minarets, though four were planned,
reach into a pale periwinkle sky
twenty million people peer through
the dust and smog toward the first
great falcon-headed God, Ra
to whom they owe their secret names
an ancient voice chanting creation

The minarets’ spiral staircases
long demolished by Sultan Barquq
to prevent attacks on the Citadel
means the muezzin must use the loud speaker
to broadcast the adhan,
to call all worshippers to prayer

In the dark cool by the praying seat
where no Qur’an rests
he stands beside me
not five feet away

I am in full modesty,
two layers of galabeyas
a tightly pinned navy hijab
covers every strand
of offending blonde hair

Muezzin’s song of praise
(he will not sing the adhan
it is not Friday
we are not Muslims)
is so beautiful I cannot speak

In this exemplar of Mamluk architecture
Ahlus-Sunnah Wa Al-Jama’ah
People of the tradition and the congregation pray
generously containing room
for the four Sunni schools:
Shafi’i, Maliki, Hanafi, and Hanbali
Though through tradition
not room for a single woman

“The best mosques for women
are the inner parts of their houses”
said Mohammad

In America the movement
in mosques is towards “Pray In”
women desegregated,
praying in the main hall

I think about my female rector
in the Episcopal church
in our mountain town
on how the Anglican community
considered separating
from its too liberal cousin
the Episcopal Church of America
over homosexuality and the right
of women to lead services

I ask our Muslim guide, a woman,
Does it hurt, being unwelcome in the house of God?
Baudelaire ringing in my ears:
“I have always been astonished that
women are allowed to enter churches.
What can they have to say to God?”

No, she says,
it is much more convenient
to pray at home.

Glass lanterns adorned with calligraphy
sentries at the sabil,
fountain of ablution
a blue-eyed feminist
searching for meaning in all
this cryptic architecture

It is here, if I were a worshipper,
that I would cleanse my body
of the sand, filth, and oppression
participate in the wudu
the centuries, my inner helix,
resonating with the specters of
the spiral staircases of the minarets
past invisible barriers
to the musalla

Old Cairo

progressing through machine gun
guarded checkpoints at the perimeter
of Old Cairo past the Roman wall
to the Mosque of Ibn Tulun
high on the hill of Gebel Yashkur
the mound of thanksgiving

Here the staircase of the minaret stands
but the sabil is dry
the outer walls osculating
Beit al-Kritliyya joined to Beit Amnabint Salim
now a museum, Gayer Anderson House
named after the British officer
who lived there in the 40s

we enter the sanctity of the private space
through a doorway into a hall
that runs parallel to the street
it then turns ninety degrees so that
none of the interior of the house
can be glimpsed from the street

I have a ticket
I’ve purchased my pass
I didn’t knock three times
but the ghosts could hardly have answered

“enter not the houses other than your own
until you have asked permission
and saluted those within.” Yousef Ali

we proceed through the salamek as guests
the entire house is built from the inside out
so we won’t see the women

though in the courtyard
high above on another floor
is a balcony closet with a window covered
by an elaborate lattice woodwork screen

here is where the women would huddle
to be present without being seen
I squeeze through the tiny doorway
into the little box
and imagine the women whispering
about visitors in the house
how the ghosts have been scandalized

In ‘Till We Have Faces’ C.S. Lewis
argues that we cannot meet the divine
until we have an identity of our own
his heroine struggles to know her worth

worlds and millennia apart
Hatshepsut’s statues defaced
disfigured and buried in a pit
cartouches chiseled away
Pharaoh, yet how dare she claim the right?

we enter a confusion of staircases
that only connect certain floors
I’ve never been so disoriented in a house
so that the women can bring food
to guests and not be seen
keeping the privacy of the family intact

Wasn’t this the perfect set-up
for domestic abuse?
never seen and cannot communicate
then anything can happen
in this protected sanctum
that could’ve been her prison

I think about the lack
of a domestic violence shelter
in Douglas County, the richest and fastest growing
adjacent to our home county
the thinking runs along the lines of
they are wealthy women,
if they need a way out
they can simply buy it
often these women are
the most trapped, disempowered
with no access to the money

shouting behind high gated walls
in the privacy of the inner parts
of their homes

 

Muezzin’s Song (click to play)

Sabil, fountain of ablution, Mosque-Madrassa of Sultan Hassan photo credit: Anna Montgomery

The Game

My father continues to propose a game
He can only show up when there are rules
Engagement without artifice is too dull

He says:
I am the projector, telling stories in the dark
You are the screen, blank
Waiting for my light
An exciting role for both of us
Imagine all the possibilities
We’ll see Africa and France
Inhabit the lives of the wide world
Oh, the wisdom we’ll impart

But father, I want to be a living thing
This ferocity of spirit
Which you believe involves savage destruction
And I feel as an unrelenting intensity
(An argument over nuanced meaning)
Is really a disease
Brought about by this dynamic,
This Mephistophelian play

I know how you need to define me
It keeps me fixed upon the wall
We must move beyond the insight
That I am more than these moving pictures
Projected upon the screen

I am not this flat thing, nor these illusions,
Nor this disease of ferocity
I’m a breathing animal, with an indwelling divine nature
That may roam this earth
Creating my own tales
Of strange and marvelous encounters

what cannot be recovered

the child left to stand too soon
on her own accord
fades from the world
too ineffectual to face it
it is a spiritual starving
that hollows her out from inside

this is not the time to burden her with structure
the demands of an adult world
cripple tender bones
she must be nurtured to grow

here are the parents
indoctrinating a world view
preaching the harshness of life
what can it help injuring
inflicting the violence that wrenches free
disembodies and spreads disease?
they justify it as a warning

it is this self mutilation
projected upon the girl
that they cannot acknowledge
savage action belies the shame
they will not bow to her divinity
the pace of her unfolding

she mourns at the grave of fireflies
of that which cannot be recovered
begging compassion for the one
that has yet to learn to stand
the one that lies uncovered

Pasquinade for My Heart

Your disillusionment does not bring your promised liberation
Only further pain.

Your search for succor, for water at dry wells, following specious creatures
Down pathways to revelation is naïve.

Draw up all the beauty, the gentleness, awe, kindness, and tender love
Into an elixir, a cure-all, a bulwark.

Yet the world, spinning mercilessly, its monumental forces
Quickly, blindly, will overpower your haven.

The world is a war; a tsunami;
A Munchausen by Proxy mother who scrubs her child with bleach.

Look heart, at your companions as they make it through the days
Largely unaffected and calm.

Shout, cry, or surrender – you are gossamer: torn, emotionally raw, and afraid.
Stoic soldiers will put you to shame.

What can be left of you in the end, when every breath is gone,
every word spoken, every feeling spent, every silken thread severed?

Note: A pasquinade is an abusive ridicule or satire posted in a public place

Variegated

Eternity imprinted in the spiraling twist
Heritage of pain and love
Your unique expression
Dark flowers in winter

Half glimpsed illuminations
Survivor of the crucible
Soul polished by hard rock

The patterns the same
Look closely
Deep into the variegated petals
The glory of its art revealed

Yes, mother, I will seek to understand
You have given me sight-
Breath-
A living heart…