hypothermic, she floats in emotional abandonment, oblivious,
envisioning snow laden aspen eyes that loom and glow phantasmagoric,
revealing his love’s asymmetric reciprocation as insidious
she remembers unkindly his shameful, long held defenses, impervious
to all her attempts at breaching, whether metaphoric or allegoric –
hypothermic, she floats in emotional abandonment, oblivious
that all striving for contact, all scouts sent ahead, all her love, fastidious,
is deflected, destroyed, deflated, mere decoys ensnared by the satiric,
revealing his love’s asymmetric reciprocation as insidious
like a censorious atmophile that will suffocate her spontaneous
expressions of unmitigated joy that once strained for the exospheric –
hypothermic, she floats in emotional abandonment, oblivious
thrusters malfunction unable to reorient, fueling a pernicious
lingering in the unfathomed cold of mesospheric grace, once chivalric,
revealing his love’s asymmetric reciprocation as insidious
love renders her blind, she will never come to understand this erroneous
foundation, inverse escape velocity, adrift in the atmospheric –
hypothermic, she floats in emotional abandonment, oblivious,
revealing his love’s asymmetric reciprocation as insidious
Notes: This was written for my husband who has read it. He said it was beautiful and honest but also heartbreaking and that it sounds like his eulogy (I didn’t correct him – elegy). Sam, over at dVerse, lured me into trying a Villanelle with his excellent article on physics and Dylan Thomas. This is my first attempt and for my second I will choose a less personal subject. Today, however, I was reflecting on how one of my regular readers called me out, saying I hide my vulnerability between the lines. It’s true. Also, I apologize for the late returns of OLN reading (which I completed this morning), I’ve been a bit hypothermic, which slows everything down. http://dversepoets.com/2012/10/25/form-for-all-physics-dylan-thomas-and-the-art-of-the-villanelle/
Chromapoetica 
Very ambitious and well-wrought villanelle. k.
This means a lot to me, thank you.
Anna – you might like this one – it’s very silly but it does show how flexible form can be. It’s really silly – illustrated villanelle – http://manicddaily.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/contrastvillanellesvillain-elle-with-watercolors-and-elephants/
I’ll be by to read it soon, I love silly :).
ha…don’t we all hide our vulnerability between the lines…i do… great villanelle and great that your husband read and liked it…hypothermic and asymmetric…velocity…yeah..there’s def. physics…love how you weave it to a love poem…non-cliche and creative..
Oh Claudia, thank you for making me feel less alone!
Just love these longer lines, Anna…. somehow confirms the relationship netween oblivious and insidious all the stronger. For all the complex language, there is real gentleness in your villanelle – very much enjoyed reading – thank you 🙂
That’s wonderful to hear as I questioned whether I could get away with 19 syllable lines but really wanted to so I thought I’d try. Yes, that pairing of oblivious/insidious seemed to require some space within the work to heighten the impact. Thanks so much, Becky!
Extremely strong write Anna. The Villanelle and it’s repetition really enhanced the emotional aspect here, doubling the effect it plays upon the reader as they absorb each line, each tercet, which, with that said, I can only imagine, had a quadrupling effect when composing such a personal poem of such depth. Amazing share. Thanks
Your insightful comment reminds me of something that I was reading in the Norton Anthology, The Making of a Poem before trying my own Villanelle. Strand and Boland remarked on the Villanelle, ‘Its repeating lines, the circularity of its stanzas, become, as the reader listens, a repudiation of forward motion, of temporality and therefore, finally, of dissolution.’ I’d written a poem about my marriage last year called Dissolution so I think it was the connecting point for better understanding what to do with the form. They emphasized that the Villanelle addresses loss directly in its structure. From there it really wrote itself.
really cool that you showed it to your husband and his response….it is beautiful but that is such a sadness as well….you filled the form with such emotion…your hook lines are very strong which only adds to that…and it is very much you will all the wonderful language…smiles…well done to form anna..
Yes, intense sadness, and I was saying to Fred, understanding the emotional aspect of the form allowed me to see a way into it. I tend to progress in poem and this form tends to resist that so I decided to embrace it in the subject instead of fight it. Once I decided that I allowed myself to break the rules about meter so I could use the language I wanted (which was my incentive to write it :)).
Wow! I don’t know who started the villanelle but I venture that they never envisioned such a complex and intricate rendition of the form. Nicely (and bravely) done!
It apparently evolved out the Italian rustic song so I agree that I’m far from the origins of the form. Thank you!
I agree with ambitious. Impressive, too. And enjoyable.
Thank you very much, David, I always appreciate your feedback.
Very ambitious undertaking, Anna! Depthful and personal, you have used the villanelle form impeccably.
I tend to need the challenge to engage form and rhyme since I’m not naturally attracted to either. It is important to engage and learn from them so I enjoy participating when I can. Thank you for your kind words!
Ooh long words and even longer sentences with hard concepts and soft feelings – aim for the moon but go for the stars use of the form!
That seems a metaphor for marriage, ha! Thank you, John; I look forward to reading yours.
Wow. First attempt too, so good. Mine is a first attempt also but a tottering toddler by comparison 🙂
I look forward to reading your first attempt at a Villanelle. Thank you for your kindness!
A scissors-like action to these lines, severing thoughts from feelings like cutting out symbolic paperdolls, or you could just as fitly use the distillation metaphor —the language of science suits your point, and your refrain, very well.
Yes, perhaps I was searching for the facts which get so muddied when emotion is involved. I turned to science in expressions about this last year too. Your paperdoll metaphor struck me intensely, thank you.
it is a rhythmic poem but i do not understand how love could be insidious.
i hope you are happy. life is such a strange journey. hug.
I don’t think it’s the love so much as its asymmetric dimension, when one person is unwilling to participate fully in intimacy or life. To give very little and expect the world if that makes sense, to be stingy with love. And alternately smother with it. Or maybe it’s false love that’s insidious. Life is very strange. Thank you for the hug, I need it.
escape to your mountain
nature gives a kind of love grace wonder
we humans can be too clumsy
Will do :D.
I had to read this several times for several reasons: it’s so easy to get lost in the music every time. Villanelles are the most musical form for me. The repetitions so infectious, somehow mesmerizing. So I had to stop hearing the poem to think about its meaning. It is very personal, that asymmetrical thing was always true between me and my husband too; although I think he was only vaguely aware of it. This poem is tender, and understanding – a kind of emotional probe into what keeps you individuals and how that defines you as a couple. I have come to love it therefore on a deeper level.Thank you.
Thank you Gay, you’ve made my evening with your kind comment.
I have always thought that your long lines and the complexity of your compositions masked a subtle emotionality. In this villanelle, though, the refrains and rhymes reinforce that emotionality so that it becomes crystal, and those long lines become Whitmanesque in nature, an expostulation of expressiveness unbounded. Beautiful work.
Sam, I always appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comments. Thank you for the excellent introduction to the Villanelle.
There is transformation here. “love renders her blind. she will never come to understand this erroneous/ foundation” What shines most for me, after reading much of your beautiful work over the past months, is the way you merge your self with yourself in this poem. Perhaps we do that as poets, often, to a lesser degree. This one feels broader in that respect. And as I stumble around with the words to describe what you’ve accomplished, I am more than contented to have your poem here to say it so wonderfully as it is.
Jane, you are a treasure, thank you!