Circumspect valleys of ideologies
severed cords encapsulate the shaded tale
a world of grave unraveling
while larks enter through divided windows
to tables set with glass ornaments
alighting on a fine layer of dust
upon the weathered cowering folds
of history’s long inscribed divisive night
discerned by keen eyed philosophers
detritivores tunnel, long spools unwinding
gods consume fervid clamoring masses
moles in fixed ratios delineate lost markers
these property lines in space
each a bounded deontology
a tetra pylon, cartography with no names
obedience is a breath taken without prophesy
a wilderness unfettered by human desire
an undertow on volcanic shores
whirlpools capture victims unsung
as long whispered fears signal
to reach disintegrating caves
Chromapoetica 
first off I would like to say that I love the title. Very cool. After that…wow, just very awesome I really really dig this one.
‘a tetra pylon, cartography with no names’
that is really cool
‘gods consume fervid clamoring masses
moles in fixed ratios delineate lost markers’
and so is that
and many more very great lines.
outstanding
Thank you for taking the time to come and look at this. These experimental pieces require a reader to help me discern effectiveness more than the tamer poems.
This is incredibly immediate and real, Anna, with a feeling of sinking in a metaphysical bath that combines natural history with mathematics, theology, sociology and shades of normalcy in a rather chilling Boschian busy-ness of image. But the language is viscerally beautiful; “obedience is a breath taken without prophesy/a wilderness unfettered by human desire / an undertow on volcanic shores..” and the opening picture of larks flying through “divided windows/to tables set with glass ornaments/alighting on a fine layer of dust…” I have to stop or I’ll be quoting back to you your whole poem. A beautiful, layered piece.
Thank you, your detailed feedback is extremely helpful. Our modem was taken out last night in an electrical storm and I just got to the cafe to connect. I greatly appreciate your intellectual curiosity and willingness to engage the less than familiar. I look forward to catching up on your writing today.
I love the way you harrow through a malaise like a anatomist dissecting the problem with words at the same time like a painter mixing oils to come up with the proper hue and marl … Fixity of mind is an old, terrible illness of the human mind, belief and ideology spilling oceans of blood in the name of a rightness which may be a violence against the mind itself:
…these property lines in space
each a bounded deontology
a tetra pylon, cartography with no names
obedience is a breath taken without prophesy
a wilderness unfettered by human desire
an undertow on volcanic shores…
Thus we rigidly bind ourselves into an orthodoxy which brooks no life — ’tis a virus, a cancer of the mind, that makes me think my truth can be the only one. Whisper this song into the ear of Congress, that their dreams may reveal the red and blue hell they are constructing …
My analytical mind and my creative impulse are deeply in love so they do a lot of dancing ;). They were introduced by my corpus callosum. The analytic side likes to take things apart and really look at them and the creative impulse likes to put it all back together in a new way with a few redundancies removed and to add some artistic flourishes. I am a strong believer in peace and liberty.
i am the unintelligent commentor…i like the way it sounds and the way the words and images flow together and the feeling it evokes…i do like the juxtaposition of thoughts in the second to last stanza…wilderness unfettered…obedience a breath taken without told to…i like…and the title rocks socks off…just saying…
Brian, you are highly intelligent and I always appreciate you stopping by to read and comment! The sound is very important to me and I’m actually inspired by Brendan’s comment to record myself singing this poem. An odd bit of trivia, I was born on Mole Day, October 23, in honor of Avogadro’s number.
I feel great pessimism in this. it seems very sad, but I don’t know too much about chemistry and the like. You definitely got me thinking and looking up some things….and this is good so, thank you 🙂
Thank you for hosting an excellent poetics session and for all you are doing at dVerse!
I would love to hear you say your poems…its very dramatic with the verses swinging with emotions ~
Thanks, I tried to record this last night only to find my mic is broken. If you go to the experimental link you can hear me reading other poems.
“moles in fixed ratios” is such a fine line, no matter what came next. i had to come read it. i also really like “a wilderness unfettered by human desire.”
Thanks!
Such vivid words and vivid emotions. Great poem!
I’m so glad you liked it.
The corpus callosum is definitely at play here! Wonderful blend of the analytic and the creative.
Thanks, and it’s great you read the comments.
goodness anna – this is powerful and rich with imagery – had to read it a few times and each time discovered another layer… somehow the divided windows gripped me most – not sure though why ecaxtly… need to think… a really good write.. and greetings from rome.. smiles
Thanks Claudia, and especially for taking the time to reread it while in Rome. I’m glad its layers revealed themselves to you. Hope you’re having a wonderful trip!
Reading your work takes me to the same place i go to when i write.. you know that anti chamber space where adrenaline fuels the intense imaginings that slot into your mind like a preordained
atomic rush… After all that i bet you actually just sit back relaxing, smoking a pipe tapping in words like a stoned zen monk!
Thanks for taking me where you took me, where ever that may be – i cn not praise this piece enough… I wish i had written it is the best i can do…stunning combinations…and no point picking any out because as a whole it is just stunning.
I am ecstatic that you’ve been to that liminal space of creation, in one of my poems I describe it as
Naples yellow under French ultramarine hues
in drift chambers where saturation
blankets Antarctic glaciers sloughing into
anti-cavitation valves emoting indigo
in transcendental release
It’s truly remarkable that you’d describe it the way you did (anti chamber space where adrenaline fuels the intense imaginings that slot into your mind like a preordained
atomic rush)! And yes, I do gain tremendous spiritual benefits from the process. I’m speechless.
You may also, if you have time, want to read my other experimental poems, Ode to the Gardener, Dioxazine Eyes Scrying, Round Numinous Volumes, and Enraptured Subtleties Caressing. You can access them by clicking the Experimental link under Categories. I’d be truly grateful for any feedback and would be happy to return the favor.
This is a great post!!!! I love the final stanza! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so very much for your enthusiasm. I’m glad you enjoyed it.
you are very expressive and have such wonderful talent! your poems are amazing!
Gosh, what a lovely compliment. Thank you for your continued readership.
Brilliant analogy of a catastrophe. Very well written.
Thank you!
nice
i like stuff that goes round and round
Me too.
Okay… I don’t think you and I could even have a conversation! Amazingly, I understand–and enjoy–your poems, but I read them with my mouth hanging open. Where do you get those words? You’re like a human thesaurus!
I mean all this in the best of ways, mind you.
Bubba
I want the poems to be accessible and engaging so I greatly appreciate your feedback. I want my language, especially in poetry, to be precise, emphatic, beautiful, expressive, melodious, and multivalent. Some of my lexicon I acquired in school, additional pieces from reading, some grand words from conversations, and other words I pick(ed) up from tools: the thesaurus, my Oxford English Dictionary, and the wonderful Word Menu™ which has chapters on everything from technology to cognition.
wow, it’s like having cerebral seizures manifest within the write – exceptionally penned
Thank you, hopefully you won’t suffer any permanent neurological damage ;).
masterful.