Superflat Eye (click to hear this poem performed)
Pink postmodern pout, shallow culture
Drinks in anime, manga vulture.
Otaku fetish manifesto
Lolicon dolls grow molto presto!
Salacious oglers toggle joysticks
Papa pants for his Lolita nips.
Clique chicks in lyric lovesick (GRAPHIC)
Tick tock empty clock. Epic tragic.
Sing cosmetic aesthetic plastic
Bling babies pop-up, cybertastic!
Halo dojo apocalypstick
Dayglow girls twirling,
airsick,
turn tricks.
This poem is my first attempt at Framed Couplets form, developed by Hector Gutierrez presented by Gay Cannon at dVerse Poets Pub for Thursday’s Form For All Challenge: http://dversepoets.com/2012/04/19/formforall-framed-couplets/
Chromapoetica 
Anna! I can’t believe you pulled this off! Not only did you absolutely blow the form right out of the water, you managed to raise your voice on a timely and compelling subject with the air of activism and brutal strength…Seriously in awe over this one!
Goodness Tash, you’re making me feel good about trying the form (I’m blushing)! Thanks so much :).
Drinks in anime, manga vulture….
you are amazing.
So are you! Here’s to NaPoWriMo and new challenges, thank you :)!
I agree, Anna– not only did you nail the form, but you did it in a fun and informational way. I really like the flow… especially:
Halo dojo apocalypstick
Thanks, that’s my favorite line too :).
Oh, super fun write Anna. Love the allusions galore. And the really fun language, very anime. Apocalypstick is too much. Great job. Thanks
Yes, even the short ones need lots of allusions to feel like mine :). I took the approach I used for ‘DOB’ wannabe drowns in hot banana fudge, but without the humor. Thanks, apocalypstick is a word I came across in one of my art books and I’ve been waiting to use it in a poem since 2002!
Oh super fun reading. Love the voice, very Valley girl meets anime. Love it. Thanks
Yeah, I wanted that I’m so young and think I’m not clueless vibe. Thanks for stopping by again, this time to listen :).
Read the poem and was like…….uh??? I then read the notes, then re read the poem and then it made sense. This is the second new ‘thing’ I have learnt today. New form and information on a subject I thought I would never see in any form of poetry. Its marvelous what you have done with this.
Thank you for taking the time to read the notes, rereading the poem, and your kind comment. Nice to meet you.
The first couplet made me think of the girls and boys in my 10th and 11th gradfe classes who hide under hair but are highly made -up and are behaved as long as I leave them along and let them read the manga and trade them in class. I visualized them through the rest and came out enlightened, Gosh. I’d love to send them this poen through the remnents of my poetry club who maintain a closed group at Face book. What do you think?
Sure, you are more than welcome to send it to the Facebook group. Hopefully it will help them think critically about what they read and consume. Thank you for the comment, nice to meet you.
Brava Anna! I hardly know how to begin. Such a subject, such a well written protest – subtle but effective. I’m so happy you wrote it.
I myself am often challenged by your information, vocabulary, and breadth of knowledge. Throughout there is that sexydolly quality to this with the sounds of the words augmenting the meaning of the poem.
As to form: spot on as to the framed rhymes. I counted syllables and got nine to the line; however, I didn’t even check to see how you achieved it as many words I wouldn’t know where the stresses lie. But that’s incidental and unimportant to the work which is done with skill and verve.
Really wonderful!
Thank you again for the form, another poem that couldn’t be created without it. I found it surprisingly conducive to what I wanted to say on the subject and how well it fit the style I had chosen. It was a gift!
Wonderful to hear that the tone worked and my subtle protest came across.
Crazy. K.
:)!
You did such a good job with the form, Anna. I always appreciate your process notes, too.
Thanks Victoria, I haven’t been using them with NaPoWriMo but I did feel that the definition of Lolicon was vitally important.
ok this one is def fun when spoken, lots of cool sounds in the words…the message itself is a stomach turner…as to where it leads…apockalypstik is awesome word play!
I was hoping the sing-song inner rhymes would add to the sense of young girls at play, like jump rope songs and such to increase the impact of the stomach turn. Using the subtle appeal, the ‘cool’ factor of anime to bring to the attention of the reader that what lies beneath may be pernicious. Thanks for the feedback :).
It reads playful, but the subject not so much. The sounds of the words emphasize plastic artificial-ness too.
Cool that it fits in the form so well, or should I say the form fits this..? Anyway…it’s good is what it is. 🙂
Thanks :)! Yes, it’s nice when the form enhances rather than detracts.
I enjoyed that. Good job with that form!
Thanks Madeleine!
tough subject- and a stomach turner for sure…and then to write it in this form? thats a challenge for sure- but you ripped it! this was awesome to read- i actually read it out loud- such techincal wordplay- but it all works, and the best think is, its fracturedness reflects the post modern culture within which this sickly phenomenon exists
Awesome that you read it aloud, I considered reading it but just did a spoken word piece yesterday. Yes, the style is one I employed before to talk about a fine art movement that incorporates less disturbing elements while still providing scathing commentary on modern consumer culture. Thanks for the feedback :).
Bravo Anna! Love how you have stolen language from across the globe for what is partly a net-fuelled phenomenon.. one of the darker faces of globalisation. The pace and panache is very apposite in reflecting superficial dazzle, but not at the expense of the serious topic under examination. As for the form… it enabled rather than constricted from where I’m sitting.. just what form should. Did you rise to the challenge.. 🙂
Thanks Becky, stolen language makes me feel like an international spy, cool :). The Italian shows up in composing all the time so it tends to be the first thing I think of when referring to tempo. Cybertastic I owe to Arron who used it to describe my Piezoelectric Prototype poem. Glad the pace worked, I think I learned a lot from your ‘Horseplay’ (which is masterful).
It is so odd, the way consumerism twists and turns to produce such strange hothouse flowers! I think you’ve really used the form well with the material and it is sure enlightening about cross-cultural trends.
Love your descriptor, it’s so apt. Thanks for the feedback :).
Wow! Impressive! Ditto what everyone has said above about your skillful use of the form and being able to get in a message also. The Lolita girls are all over at the anime cons and so are the perverts looking to take their pictures (and worse.)
Thank you lolamouse, I remember now that you’ve been to Otakon, etc. with your daughter. The humor I expressed in the ‘DOB…” poem isn’t present here and I’m glad you saw I’m not criticizing all of anime/manga but a specific aspect. You’ve sent shivers with the perverts at the cons comment.
Very original and crisp work with the form, Anna, and the rhymes just sing.
Thank you, I always value your feedback :). As I said to Gay the germination of the poem seemed to require the form, so once again I am indebted to dVerse.
You did a fantastic job with this!
Thanks MZ, I try to branch out :).
Whew. This was incredibly fun to read out loud, which was a nice poetic juxtaposition to the serious subject matter at hand. Really, really well done. Love the incredible turns of phrase here!
Yes, I wanted the shock of what lies beneath if you didn’t have the context to reinforce the point. Thanks so much for your kind compliment and nice to see you here.
Excellent use of the framed couplet structure, with the additional beginning rhymes. In addressing such a controversial subject, you managed to make the form not only evoke the nursery rhymes of childhood, but also, for me, it evoked the hypnotic, robotic qualities of much of the manga genre. Well done!
Thank you Samuel, I used to tutor a young woman who read them and that was my impression of the style too. She seemed unconcerned that she didn’t understand them. I always appreciate your informed feedback!
Sensational and artistic use of words and I learned. I like the apocalypstic.
Thank you, nice to meet you. I’ll be by tomorrow to listen to yours.
this is quite interesting. the alliteration (which is one of my favorite poetic devices) is out of this world!! listening to the voice recording added an eerie (- quite appropriate), stepford wives kind of feel to it.
Thanks Sheila, so glad you got the point of the recording. It was difficult to write this and put myself in that space.
I know the feeling. one of my recordings had to be read with a southern accent (which I do not have.) I felt kind of silly doing it but it ended up being fun in the end.
I do like that about prompts, they seem to push me to do things I might not try otherwise. I had to do a southern accent for a piece I recorded in college and embarrassingly did an interpretive dance to. Cringe worthy :).
{cringing} lol
Nice :)!