‘save me from the lion’s mouth; for thou hast heard me from the horns of unicorns’ Psalms 22:21
I found myself somewhere
at the edge of the known earth
in an age when there is nowhere left to hide
pursuing unicorns, my elusive alicorn cure
for you it was always a game
you never think I remember
but the blunt force trauma
entered my mind all twisted,
as a matter of survival
Your missive arrives
in that cryptographic mind
geography’s incomprehensibility
impossible to decipher
a one-time pad
on a sheet of nitrocellulose
it burns instantaneously
leaving small ash
We agreed ahead of time
for the 23rd of October
a truly random sequence of letters
trick of modular addition
only I got lost in the ciphertext
mistaking it for meaning
meta-language to transcend
what came before
A tortuous inculcation
using proximity and shame
more like a rearrangement
the homonym of my name
anagram, a twisted joke
more than one hundred thousand
(because the numbers
never lie) forming a:
cacophonic bestiary
axial defense
detested asset lure
hush, rue
A spiritual starving
that hollows me out from the inside
even after all this time
with all this great distance
it is a violence that wrenches free
dissociates, disembodies, a disease
A priori probability
is equivocated to
a posteriori where
the entropy of plaintext
equals the conditional entropy
of the plaintext given in the ciphertext C
you’ll begin to see
where I derailed the equation
All that I have is this legacy of ashes
an unbreakable code
shielding you from your crimes
infinite computing no adversary
for the tangled traumas
obscured in my mind
In a conventional symmetric
encryption algorithm
complex patterns of
substitutions and transpositions
these places dance
to orient me to the key
I see the risk
Data remanence is such
a continual problem
simplest overwrite technique
write the same data everywhere
(often just a pattern of zeros)
a way to be nothing
nullify feeling
Poetry is a cipher but
it isn’t known whether
there’s a cryptanalytic procedure
which can reverse these transmutations
mathematics may be my undoing
while I’m mourning what cannot be recovered
security continually assures me that this technique
is proven to provide the perfect secrecy
Linked to Mark Kerstetter’s excellent prompt on persona poems – join us http://dversepoets.com/2011/10/22/poetics-the-other
Chromapoetica 
i will give you this much…i will not be the one to crack the code…smiles. there is a unicorn around here somewhere though…shay was telling me about it the other week…a universal translator that is what i need…intriguing write….
Oooo where?!? Did Shay see it? A universal translator would be cool!
Anna: I feel a bit obtuse because I can’t divine the persona here, but this is intensely compelling– you convey the sense of being in a vortex, a cipher, trying to break free of the rational only to be pulled back in; for some reason it is making me think of Steven Shafer, the propofol expert in the MJ trial whom I’ve watched for three days take us into a molecular maze; he tried to ascertain what happened working back from autopsy result concentrations of propofol– a totally amazing and brilliant feat– trapping himself in his hypothesis, I think. Somewhere knowing is– between thinking-feeling, the flesh and the mind. xxxxj http://parolavivace.blogspot.com
No worries Jenne’ the narrator can’t be identified (see my comment below). Thank you very much for stopping by and the interesting comment!
check out my poems http://walkersdomain.wordpress.com/category/poetry/
Ok.
Magical and mystical and mystifying, tied into one! Whew.
Thanks Mary, three of my favorite words :).
Numbers never lie, but spin doctors, both internal and external, do. For a living.
Dirty spin doctors!
To me this is one persona, the true and wounded one, masking itself in another, using the nullity of ciphers to make itself invisible, and hence, free and truly Other from its own past. But of course, I may be completely putting my own interpretation on it–the language here is intense, complex in a very specific sort of way that keeps curling back on itself for me, into a smooth but inscrutable sort of presence that is almost curtain-like with its mathematics and overwriting data. Really excellent work done here, Anna, however you may have really meant it. (My middle name is just Nna. ;_) )
Thank you Joy, you’re the best!
Anna, I see this as a search for the voice. I see a battle of fact and fiction, of what is and what will be, and the risk that comes with choosing one love over another. As per the norm I find myself completely mesmerized by the language, and hope I haven’t taken too much liberty with its intent as a result.
The battle for fact and fiction as so much of life can seem to be – thanks Tash!
The Psalm you quote from is one of the most beautiful passages in the King James Bible. And who is speaking in the Psalm? In the churches I grew up in I recall them telling us it was a prophesy of Christ on the cross; in other words it was a persona poem of Christ bereft of his father in heaven. Who has not felt that way at times? – lost, in pain, and nowhere to turn? Your poem also has the voice of one lost despite seeming to have traveled a vast terrain. I’m wondering about the date – 23 Oct – tomorrow, and if you chose this date because it means something and the meaning is hidden (at least from me) or if you chose it because it’s tomorrow, and the poem is ever on the cusp of tomorrow? And this is the voice of the poet ever in search of the poem?
I love where you’ve gone with this Mark – see my comment below for more info!
This seems to tell me why the world did not end in the last day or so, but “mathematics may be my undoing.” Your richness of language always amazes me. K.
Thanks K, that’s very kind of you to say!
It sounds like a computer programmer trying to program a way out of the mind maze he is stuck in. I do think that computer games sometimes (especially those made by independent or small groups of developers not attached to big corporations), if not always in some way, can reflect the mind scape of its creator. I’m too much of a gamer nowadays, apologies for interpreting things to that slant! The narrator seems to be trying to bury a secret, and tries to calm himself, tries to forget certain things or leave it behind, lock it away, but not so easy to get rid of things or to really hide something forever — in the computer world, it is said everything is in there and retrievable even if it’s been said to be deleted. There are programs that try to erase more thoroughly by overwriting the file with meaningless data, probably as you put it, “a pattern of zeros”. But the narrator knows, it is still there.
In the end, the narrator turns to poetry — which does puzzle people, even when there’s no puzzle to be solved sometimes. (You know how you tell someone about a poem, and some maybe get anxious try to find some hidden meaning in it, even thought it’s already about what it is about plainly?) Poetry is more mutable than the rigidly ruled mathematics, as such no one can ever be sure, if a poem is written in such a way, whether it means what it means. Not even the poet has total control sometimes. Mathematics may not be the best way to hide a secret because it has one set of rules, but poetry has no such thing.
I don’t know if this truly is the plot of this poem. But I enjoyed it with all its various leads. Thanks for your poem.
You always leave such interesting comments, I appreciate them very much!
there are so many parts in this, that stand on their own in complexity and depth such as:
(often just a pattern of zeros)
a way to be nothing
nullify feeling
and
Poetry is a cipher but
it isn’t known whether
there’s a cryptanalytic procedure
Thanks Zongrik, those are two very important parts.
So beautiful and interesting, Anna: )
I especially like:
A spiritual starving
that hollows me out from the inside
I really enjoy the complexity of the words you choose and how you incorporate them into your phrasing!
-Eva
Thanks Eva, always lovely to see you!
Anna, you are always making us think. I’ve enjoyed reading the comments, too, as everyone is trying to decipher the speaker. I can’t say i know, but I definitely enjoyed reading this internal struggle the speaker is having. And, kudos for pulling out a Scripture rarely used.
Lori, you’re smiling face always makes me smile. Thanks too for reading the comments :).
it feels like alice and her looking glass translated into 001000101000000000
also a kind of unsaying with rue and burnt language. but if language is fable
what kind of navigation is possible?
this is powerful:
A spiritual starving
that hollows me out from the inside
even after all this time
with all this great distance
it is a violence that wrenches free
dissociates, disembodies, a disease
best wishes for your birthday
Yes, Alice and unsaying, exactly so Janet! Thanks so much for the birthday wishes.
this is an intriguing and fascinating write…wonder if it is someone in the future, looking back long after the earth has stopped existing…someone who’s mind is based on numbers and figures to keep himself safe in a way….ha…maybe it’s just my weird phantasy making somersaults when reading your fine poetry anna..
Claudia, I also imagined the narrator in the future if that helps. I deeply appreciate your encouragement!
Interesting, the N felt the type of male who gets what the words describe but misses the meaning of what is said. Added to this is the way that the internet etc creates meaning and deception for both the sender and the receiver. So social networking becomes the new privacy.
Yes, the narrator seems quite conflicted or confounded. Thanks for the read and comment John.
Fascinating, what vocabulary you have. Rhythmic and fun read.
Thank you Oceangirl, I do cherish comments about my vocabulary (love that Oxford Dictionary).
What a write, just a brilliant trek from Unicorns and their magical horns to philosophical constructs and of course math, which ties in perfectly to both the mythological, the philosophical and the scientific. I’m curious as to who you are referring to, I was going to guess something along the astronomical because identifying a single date, Oct. 23rd, seemed rather important, but why? So I thought, you started the write in discussion of unicorns, and it’s horn. Both symbolic in their own right, but followed up with the philosophical, which led me to the zodiac- again primarily based on the symbols. Well Oct. 23rd is Libra. Well the symbol for libra is almost mathematical in nature. Venus rules libra, and also Taurus- a bull like beast- So I thought I was onto something there- tying back to the unicorn. But I couldn’t make the connection any further, so that’s probably not it. The anagram portion seems to be the key to understanding here, but I can’t figure it out. But in this stanza you bring up fable again-which seems to link back to the unicorn again. I don’t know I’m stumped. Amazing write. The three stanzas below are just perfectly penned, thanks, was fun indeed:)
A priori probability
is equivocated to
a posteriori where
the entropy of plaintext
equals the conditional entropy
of the plaintext given in the ciphertext C
you’ll begin to see
where I derailed the equation
In a conventional symmetric
encryption algorithm
complex patterns of
substitutions and transpositions
these places dance
to orient me to the key
I see the risk
Data remanence is such
a continual problem
simplest overwrite technique
write the same data everywhere
(often just a pattern of zeros)
a way to be nothing
nullify feeling
You get the giant gold star for the day – see comment below about the anagram. Thanks Fred!!!
Clue: 100,000 = cacophonic bestiary axial defense detested asset lure hush rue (+a,t) = anagram of these 56 letters (2 were withheld (a,t) to hinder its solving) will give you the statistic it refers to (warning: it isn’t a pretty one and the reason the narrator has built up these defenses) and for those of you who don’t know my maiden name: Anna Graham (the homonym for anagram).
A little clarification to aid the rare reader who returns: perfect secrecy, one time pad, the equations are all part of cryptography; Jenne, Fireblossom, Hedgewitch, Tashtoo, Mark, Ravenblack, Zongrik, Eva, Lori, Janet, Claudia, John, and Hobgoblin all have a hold of a piece of the poem/puzzle. It’s called perfect secrecy for a reason (there’s no way to find out who the speaker is), so don’t bang your head against the wall trying to ‘solve’ it. That doesn’t mean it’s meaningless or you all haven’t had wonderful insights into it. It’s a labyrinth that I built for my birthday (today) as a present. Thank you all for letting me play a little it’s been interesting to read all the responses.
I haven’t been banging, dear Anna. 🙂 I have never understood why some readers burn to know What It Means, carved in stone. It’s poetry, and like art, the person who creates it has an intention, certainly, and it’s gratifying when that message is appreciated. But reading/viewing is also a very subjective thing, it seems to me.
I always come back to read your reply, btw! I hope that you are feeling better, dear.
Thank you, I have more energy today but still no voice :(. Wonderful you come back and that you’re comfortable with ambiguity!
I always enjoy your poems, whether they give me a headache or not. 😀 (I mean that jokingly, if that is not clear in this text-only interaction, your poems do give one’s brains a good workout with its rich imagery, and/or message and/or puzzles for-solving-or-not.)
Hope you have a great day, Anna.
Yes, I’ve been accused of causing brain damage on several occasions :). Thanks for the well-wishes Ravenblack!
There’s definitely complexity in the games of your mind and heartache too.
Am I blindsighted? I wrote a poem in response, Rememberances, I’ll read it
to you later. Good to talk briefly. Again happy continuance….
Mom, it’s a persona poem, don’t worry. I can’t wait to hear your response poem :)!
This felt a bit like a trip into another dimension to me, Anna. Have you ever thought about putting audio of your poetry on your blog. Your word choices tickle the tongue when read aloud! I enjoyed the comments as well.
Thanks Victoria, I often add a recording of me reading it but find few people (1 in 40) listen to it. Unfortunately, I’ve been sick and have no voice so it wasn’t an option with this poem. So glad you enjoy the comments – so do I!
Feel better soon!
Well, firstly Happy Birthday wishes, a day late, but hope you had a lovely day, despite the flu/bug, also I see that you, like I, are an end of October Baby, the other day i thought, I wonder if Anna has her birthday soon (weird hey!)
Anyway, onto your poem, I read it first via email, and really enjoyed the veil, the language of coding, but felt the pain, & responsed on that level only, and determined to say not to worry if ”there’s a cryptanalytic procedure, which can reverse these transmutations’ as they won’t be able to.
Since, taking a look at your blog today, and despite my best efforts not to read other comments, I tend to try not to, Mark’s link already alerted me to the intriguing nature of the prompt.
I won’t bore you with the myriad of ideas my brain just rattled off at me, but just to say, it felt almost as if your (or a descendant’s) soul ghost spoke, looking back on the moment your life first ignited, and the emotion/separation between what was, and could have been…
Thank you for the birthday wishes, I had to delay any fun and stay home sick. How lovely you’re also an end of October baby! Happy Birthday wishes to you too!
Yes there are magnificent defenses and immeasurable pain written into this one – fascinating concept this soul ghost, I love it.
I really felt it, & was a little nervous to comment actually, because of that..wish i had known of your BIrthday pre today (mine is not quite yet) – Birthday hugs & I reapply to the goddesses to mend thee!
Thank you, I am feeling better this morning and take it as a sign of recovery. Don’t ever worry about commenting, I put these things in my arts for discovery, mending, and to create that reciprocity of vulnerability. I loved your post today – hope I sufficiently conveyed how much!
Happy to hear you are on the mend…re your comment on ‘Woman Chimerical’ oh yes, indeed you did, thank you for your feedback, I always greatly value your comments, when you don’t comment, such as ‘Sky Song’ I think ‘oh dear!’ ..sad really..hahaha..
Oh no, it’s on my list as is Sans Merci (I’m playing catch up from last week when I was sick and have just been super busy). I’ll be by this morning before I go out (also, we got a big snowstorm last night which has thrown me off). Please don’t read a lack of commenting as anything other than I am a small business owner with a super part time assistant and therefore swamped.
100,000+ = cases reported each year of child sexual abuse in the United States (told you it wasn’t pleasant)
The narrator is the protagonist in my science fiction novel who vows to find a way to turn people into operatives through computer chips embedded in their brains. She is speaking to her abuser. I was working on this poem as a character study for her. I was trying to understand her psychosis and motivations as she is attempting to destabilize the world.